he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
