I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
