At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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