So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
