you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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