nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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