I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
