i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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