My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
