if i can run in heels then i can drive
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
