I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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