i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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