Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
