I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
