You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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