Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
