How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize