Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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