We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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