this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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