youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I wish there were birth control emojis
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
