More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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