she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
