Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
