Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
