Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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