The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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