you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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