JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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