Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
