i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
