i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
