i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
