Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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