he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
