'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
