So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
