literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
