well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
