Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize