don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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