i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize