but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize