Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
