I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
