you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
