You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
