Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize