I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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