Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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