Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
