She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
