mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
