You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So many bounce houses so little time
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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