did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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