Tell her she can't have a vagina
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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