I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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