So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
