I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
