The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
