I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize