You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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