can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
