This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
