Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
