Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
