how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
