I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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