Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
her facebook's as public as her vagina
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
