I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
