Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
